At first blush, the basic gist of attraction is simple and stinging- the prettier you are, the more boys you will attract. Ugh, sorry.
Fortunately, love is more complex (and forgiving!) than that. After all, think of all the happy couples you know who aren't super models. Everyone can find love, if they know what to do and where to look for it.
So, let's take the idea of physical attraction and dig in, simplest truths first.
1- What's attractive to you is attractive to everyone else: white teeth, nice skin, bright eyes, great smile, fit body, good smell, etc. There's no mystery about how to be appealing to boys. Get some sun, bleach your teeth, chew minty gum, have impeccable hygiene, and smile a lot, and you're 90% there.
2- Since you already know that the good-looking girls get the guys, you may feel inclined to make yourself as pretty as possible to increase your chances. Can I just say- that's FINE. There is no shame in perfecting your appearance, sister! For some reason there's this notion floating around that it is unhealthy or shameful to doll yourself up to attract men. Uh... what? Explain the logic of that to me. This is literally what women have been doing since Flintstone times, and it's because a) it works, and b) it's FUN!!
Having said that, balance is key here. Let's say you're a heavy-set girl naturally and you want to lose weight. Ok, that's totally acceptable, BUT- take care. Girl, if your body wants to be curvy, it's going to fight to be curvy your whole life. That's body-type, baby. Sure, you could starve yourself into a size 6, but for how long? And at what cost? This is where that little pearl of wisdom called acceptance comes into play, and another pearl called perspective. You won't be in high school forever. Eventually those Size Zeros will move away to New York to work for Calvin Klein or whatever, and the Ken dolls will follow them, and then you'll be left with a dating pool of normals. Meanwhile, you've got a killer hairdo and some fierce eyeliner wings, and all those years of not relying on your looks to carry you through life has left you with a firm sense of self and a well-developed wit. The men around you aren't chasing a fling anymore, they're searching for a wife. Suddenly, your size 12 child-bearing hips are looking p-r-e-t-t-y good. Get the picture? Acceptance and perspective.
3- Looks aren't everything when it comes to physical chemistry. I fell head-over-heels for several non-gorgeous guys during my dating days. The attraction came from their smoking hot personalities, and the undeniable spark of chemistry we had between us. Chemistry is funny like that. I have also experienced the opposite situation, where this one guy had everything I could possibly want and was totally sought-after by other girls, but for some reason I just could NOT want to kiss him. I still ask myself- why? He was handsome, tall, strong, a great friend, clean, talented... but man. He'd lean in and I'd always find myself... leaning away. I just felt no spark with this guy. *Shrugs.*
4- When you love someone, you honestly do stop caring about their looks as much as you once did. My husband and I are aging together, and we're enjoying the process. He still loves to hold and kiss me, even though I'm 35 pounds more squeezable than I once was, but we have 11 years of loving each other under our rapidly-expanding belts. True love conquers all, but you do have to get there first.
Here's my closing thought: your attractiveness to boys does not define your worth.
Enjoy the chase, sister!
Love Always- Jess
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