Do you want to be attractive? Of course you do. When it comes to attraction, there are a few key characteristics that almost all people find themselves drawn to. This series of posts will address some of the fundamentals of what makes a girl stand out in a crowd. What's nice about making yourself more attractive is that, at the same time, you'll be crafting yourself into a version of you that YOU will like better, too. So even if your crush doesn't take the bait, you'll still be happier and healthier, and that's better than being popular any day.
We've already established how harrowing it can be to interact with a crush. Since I've clearly made all the mistakes possible trying to flirt with boys, I'm a good candidate to give advice, right?? ...Work with me, here.
The biggest obstacle standing in the way of you happily flirting with boys is lack of confidence. Luckily, confidence is a muscle that can be strengthened.
It's time for you to go get him, girl.
Here are the steps:
Calm down. Waaaaaay easier said than done, right? Actually, it really is a science, and one that can be learned. One of my favorite calming strategies is to slow my breathing and then imagine that I'm in a peaceful place, like the beach or a grove of trees. If I'm really nervous, like when I have to give a presentation or something, I often find my hands and legs shaking. Trembling can be calmed by deep, slow breaths, and then tensing and releasing the muscles of the body. Of course, NOTHING will sooth your fears like preparation. If you're nervous about doing something, wether it's giving a commencement speech or chatting with your crush in the lunch line, PRACTICE. You can't control these things 100%, but you can decide on how you're going to greet someone, what questions you will ask them, and what your body is going to be doing while you're talking to them. Having a game-plan will make you more comfortable, and less likely to nosedive into doofishness.
Blushing= cute. For blushing, I recommend picturing yourself being immersed in something really cold, like ice water. You also can calm a hard blush by going blank-face. Laughing, grimacing, and talking fast all bring blood to the face, so s-l-o-w your speech and facial expressions. The quickest way to get over the embarrassment is to draw attention to something else so you can take a sec to bring the emotions down a notch. Having said that, if people comment on the blush, just own it, sister, and try to be cute about it. Blushing is a natural mechanism designed to inspire empathy in our fellow humans, so that we'll be more likely to soften and forgive when someone does something "wrong" (embarrassing.) It's kind of like how all animal babies are cute so their mothers won't eat them in the wild. So let blushing do its primal job. Quickly admit your embarrassment with a giggle and a smile and move on. It could turn into one more thing that makes you charming!
Say nice things to yourself. This is a skill called positive self-talk. Start by just talking inside your head. Make sure that what you say IS true, because having a falsely grand OR grim view of yourself really wears people out. Here's an example of things I say to myself: "I like myself." "I care about how other people are feeling." "I like what I have achieved in my life." "I've gone through some tough times, and I'm still ok." "I'm genuine." "I know how to have a good time." After you've said these things inside your head a few times, try saying them out loud. This is important, because the next step is to find a way to present these truths to other people with your actions and words. It would be very awkward to jump into a conversation by saying something like, "I like what I have achieved in my life," so that's why you take that truth and turn it into a more user-friendly phrase. Try "I'm really glad I've kept a 4.0 all these years. Man, I really thought I wouldn't make it after that end-of-term test in Math 1050! Phew. Nice that it all worked out." See what I mean? You acknowledge that you're awesome, but you do it in a way that doesn't feel like boasting. PRACTICE THIS. People who are insecure are just as tiresome to be around as people who are cocky, because you feel like you have to work to cheer them up all the time. Girls who have a healthy self-esteem are refreshing to be around, and are therefore more attractive.
Learn to laugh at yourself. It might feel like laughing at yourself would cancel out all that positive self-talk, but it doesn't. This is an ESSENTIAL tool, because it helps you sift out your serious flaws from your funny kinks. What I mean is, when looking at your weaknesses and past mistakes, if you CAN laugh and be teased about them, then you're ok. Everybody has quirks, and they can be loveable if you don't take them too seriously. The other side of this coin is when you're presented with a personal weakness and nobody is laughing about it. That's a good sign that it's problematic and hurting people, and you'll realize it's something you need to improve in order to have a healthy, happy life. Terribly insecure people can't be safely teased, and teasing is a HUGE part of flirting and making friends, so keep that in mind as you examine your own reactions to those playful little jabs.
Fake it. Sometimes, the best you can do is ACT like you're confident, and that's simple. What does the opposite of confidence look like? It looks like a girl with her head down, twisting her hands nervously, barely able to speak. Or it can look like the other extreme, a girl who appears hyper. She's talking too loud and too fast. She's fidgety and giggling uncontrollably. If you want to seem confident, just do the opposite. Stand straight and look up. Walk like you have somewhere to go. Speak and gesture calmly, and make eye contact. Have a pleasant, open expression and smile and laugh often. Even if you don't feel confident, you'll make a convincing impression of it.
What confidence-boosting tricks am I missing? Add some to the list! WBS- Jess
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