You know what I miss about not growing up in 1940s England? Finishing School. Why can't we bring that back?
Why don't we?
Fact is, you just do NOT hear modern girls throwing around the words charm and poise unless they belong to the beauty pageant scene. I wonder if that's why those Miss America women seem so dang angelic, because they've actually had some coaching. Meanwhile, the rest of us just end up looking like old crones in comparison...
I will never stop fighting for the cause of charm. There are too many creepy, snide, bulldozing bullies in this world already. We need a little grace to balance things out.
So what is charm? Before we anaylize the meaning, let's get a feel for what it sounds/looks like.
This is my favorite version of "My Funny Valentine." Chet Baker was yummy, amirite?? It's a perfect song to illustrate the fact that charm can exist outside of classic beauty.
Next song. What girl doesn't long to inspire this kind of feeling in a man? Plus, Tony Bennett. I mean, come on. Give it a listen.
Let's try a little Lord Byron on for size:
I love that this poem connects grace with goodness. That feels significant.
Here's something a little more contemporary:
It's nice to know that men appreciate depth in a woman. When you're young, it seems like boys just pick the apples hanging closest to the ground, but as you get older you'll find that most men are simply humans craving meaningful companionship with other, worthwhile humans.
Ok, so by definition, to be charming means to be pleasing to others. A person who is really charming is enchanting to be around. Charm is all those qualities that attract other people to you. Funny thing is, what delights one person might fall flat with another. That's ok. The only person you really need to charm is the RIGHT person, and if your true self isn't hitting the high notes with someone, they probably aren't a great match for you anyway.
For me personally, I always need a little spice with my sugar, so my husband charmed me right away with his quick, snarky wit. Plenty of girls would find his humor a little too dark for their taste, and that's just fine.
Of course, it's also possible that you just aren't that charming in general. After all, a woman who is pinched, grim, stodgy, shrill, or vapid ain't charming nobody. So it's helpful to be clear about what qualities are generally found to be attractive. Here are a few of the commonly agreed-upon traits of charming people:
Curious
Happy, but not annoyingly so
Mostly good, tiny bit bad: a touch of naughtiness adds to charm, as long as the individual qualifies overall as a "good person" by commonly accepted standards
Good sense of humor
Friendly
Playful
Good sport
Shows active interest in what people are saying
Gives the impression that they like you, but aren't desperate for you to like them
What am I missing? Comment below with the traits that you think are the most universally charming. Write back soon! Jess
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