There was this new guy in my ward named Jason Kempton. I first talked to him at a party, and we had a lot of fun goofing around. We ended up jumping on the tramp together for a bit. Eventually, he added me on Facebook and we started chatting.
I remember him offering me a ride home from church one day in his truck. He was quick to get the door for me and helped me climb in. Jason was preparing to teach a lesson the next Sunday on dating and he asked if I had any advice for the men in the ward. I was a little overly-enthusiastic in offering my feedback. I think I vented for pretty much the whole ride home about how exhausting for the girl dating can be. I know I specifically complained about boys who want to surprise the girl as far as the date activity goes, which makes it really hard to know what to wear, and guys who keep dragging the date out after the agreed-upon activity is over. I had a LOT to say, but Jason showed no signs of impatience. A couple weeks later he asked me out, and I noticed that he deliberately did NOT do any of the things on my annoying list. He was clear about asking me out just for dinner, he gave me three restaurant options to choose from so I wouldn't be stuck eating something I hated, and he very gallantly took me home as soon as dinner was over. It was the first opportunity I had to witness what a truly exceptional listener Jason is.
I wish it were raining though, like last night. Jason Kempton took me to Cafe Sabor and we ate outside under a canopy. It stormed and stormed the whole time we were there.
My love affair with thunder and lightning is long-standing. I wonder how I failed to see that storm as the good omen it was.
Jason asked me out for a second date, but I had also been going out with a boy named Mike, and things with that relationship were gaining a lot of momentum. I explained the situation to Jason over text, and he very respectfully accepted my answer. Soon after, he changed into another ward to be with friends and I lost track of him. The timing was unfortunate, because I only went on one more date with Mike before I realized that what I thought was a healthy crush on my part had somehow fizzled, seemingly overnight. What was wrong with me??
I went to a ward campout last night. It was fun, but I feel so confused about my feelings (or rather lack of) for Mike. Why is it so hard for me to fall in love and stay there?
I just couldn't seem to make any relationship work. I gave up trying for a while and leaned into my studies. Despite my days seeming to be an endless parade of uninteresting dates and college courses, I had the strangest sensation that I was being propelled forward to a very definite end goal. An important one.
So far, I have felt very blessed this semester. It's been WIERD, and I'll try to explain why. I feel like I've just been carried through by some unseen power, like I'm moving forward even when my steps are slow and weak...
It makes me anxious when I think about it, because I have to wonder why He (God) feels the need to hover so close right now. Am I headed to troublesome times? A big decision? A life-changing event? Whatever it is, it's evident that the Lord isn't going to leave me hanging.
Eight months after our first date, Jason moved back into my ward. I didn't think much of it. Jason seemed to me to be a sort of Ken doll type- handsome, athletic, musical- too conventionally perfect to be interesting to someone as quirky as myself. A few girls tried their luck with him, but he was strangely aloof. No one was having much success sparking his attention. Then one evening, some ward friends (including Jason) decided to play night games on campus. I smiled at him when I arrived and he did smile back, but then he became totally immersed in conversation with someone else. I shrugged it off.
There was another boy there, "Greg," who I ended up flirting with most of the evening. By this point, getting myself asked out had become formulaic, and I listlessly went through the well-rehearsed routine of laughing at Greg's jokes, smiling into his eyes that millisecond too long, "unintentionally" brushing my arm against his. He was just starting to ask me what I was doing next Friday when the group suggested we all play sardines. Greg and I got separated (or did I sort of find a way to lose him?) and I was relieved to be alone in the dark for a moment. Why did I feel so drained and empty tonight?
I found the "sardines" hiding in a little stairwell and quietly joined them. Jason Kempton was down there, squeezed in with about four others. He gave me a polite nod but that was it. I looked down at my feet and waited for more people to find us. All of a sudden, I got a text- from Jason! "Look at Spencer's hair" it said. I looked. Spencer had leaned against an open pipe without realizing and a bunch of crud had fallen into his hair. I grinned and glanced up at Jason. He was smiling down at me, and- my heart gave a huge THUMP. That smile, directed at me, so friendly and mischievous... A little light I didn't know was inside of me started to glow. I stifled a laugh and together, Jason and I shared our first real moment of connection. I was HOOKED. Greg caught up with us soon after but I found myself distracted, unable to follow what he clearly thought was an amusing story. Jason was cracking up with a friend across the way and I wondered what he was laughing about. He sure had a nice smile.
We all drove to a friend's apartment to hang out and have hot chocolate, and poor, perplexed Greg continued to try to rekindle what, earlier, had appeared to be a slam-dunk romance. I just couldn't be bothered. I tried to find a seat next to Jason but he was quickly monopolized by several eager girls. No matter. I began to devise a way to start a conversation with him, while Greg scooted close to me and whispered something in my ear... I escaped to the kitchen to have a moment to think, but Nicky followed me. "What is the matter with you?" she demanded. I stared at her. "What? What do you mean?" She frowned disapprovingly. "You have been flirting with Greg ALL NIGHT, and now you are suddenly shafting him for no apparent reason! Why are you playing games with him? It's not like you." I felt awful. I couldn't defend myself. How could I explain my sudden change of heart? Shrugging helplessly, I stammered some kind of answer and miserably rejoined the group. Greg insisted on giving me a ride home that night, and he indirectly asked me out, to which I indirectly (and very guiltily) avoided giving him an answer. I hated toying with him, but I simply couldn't put into words why I had so abruptly lost interest.
Over the next few weeks, I made it my special project to include Jason and his group in any fun activity I planned. I can't describe the hopeful joy I felt when we genuinely began to be friends. He started texting me. Writing to him was so natural and effortless. When I was with Jason, I felt like my true personality was somehow suddenly free and radiant.
He worked at a little store in town called The Book Table. His mom worked there, too. One day I mentioned needing a change and he suggested I get a job with him.
I met his mom on my first day. Candice and I often reminisce about the uncanny "moment" we shared when we first met. I greeted her, not knowing who she was yet, and we both felt this special connection. I remember thinking that her face was lovely and pure, and she felt familiar to me somehow. Then I was swept off to be trained upstairs and I forgot all about it. Later, though, Candice and I agreed that it had been a strange and powerful feeling.
I finally admitted to my diary that I was nursing a crush on Jason.
As for me, I can't help but be attracted to Jason Kempton (Aug 8.) He left the ward soon after our date, and I didn't really see him again until a couple of weeks ago. He's about 6'4" I think, dark hair, eyes that seem to be either blue or green, it's hard to say... but I do know that they squinch up into little half-moons when he smiles. Altogether dreamy, which is why I didn't pay much attention to him before. I don't normally go for "pretty boys."
But when you get to know him, he's not really such a pretty boy after all. He's kind of cholisy and jumbly, and certainly puzzy. :) Mostly he's unbelievably sweet to everyone, but especially to me.
My only question at this point is: Is he a Roy Gardner or a Gilbert Blythe? Can he be a true chum, or am I just momentarily swept off my feet by his charms? I guess only time will tell.
Jason really was charmingly sweet to me, but by dang, I could NOT get him to ask me out. None of my usual tricks were working! Had I ruined my chances by turning him down all those months before? The thought was unbearable.
Ever been in a situation like this? Tell us about it below! WBS- Jess
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