I refer to Jason as my soulmate without hesitation, but when it comes to fully embracing the idea of "destiny" leading me to "The One," I get uneasy. Here's where I personally stand on the philosophy of "soulmates."
Dating is hard work. I think the big problem is the fear and loneliness that come with dating, because either you're not seeing as many people as you might wish, or you're seeing tons and tons and nothing is working out. Either way, you find yourself wondering, "Will I ever find someone I could spend the rest of my life with? Is there something wrong with me?" Connecting with a person so much that you feel like you "fit" together is a big ask.
Even when I went out with my Jason at the very first, he didn't seem like a perfect fit. Somehow, timing and growth matter in the equation of "soulmates." You have to be the right person at the right time, and back when I met him in 2008, neither of us had covered the emotional ground we needed to to be right for each other. When we reconnected 8 months later, I found Jason to be more confident and outgoing, important qualities to me that had seemed to be lacking on our first date.
Common wisdom says that any two good people could be happy in a marriage together. I have to mostly disagree with that. I think I would appreciate ANY man who treated me kindly and was respectable and intelligent. Still, there is something undeniably special about the chemistry I share with Jason. I honestly don't believe I could be AS happy with just anyone else. Compatibility matters a LOT.
Jason and I are different in many ways. Could you believe that he hasn't read a book since about the 8th grade?? Holy cow, THAT fact took me a minute to wrap my nerd-brain around. He reads articles all the time about politics and history and stuff like that, but he is 100% NOT into fiction literature. He's an outdoorsman and a musician, two qualities that I can't really relate to, although I wish I was cooler that way. Plus, he spent the first 10 years of our marriage eating like a 15 year old (pizza, hamburgers, and ice cream being his major food groups.) I mean, my cooking wasn't that bad. He just had no interest in branching out that way. Meanwhile, eating at an insanely fancy, expensive restaurant is one of my FAVORITE activities. On the face of it, one might assume Jason and I don't have all that much in common. Certainly quite a few of our acquaintances raised an eyebrow when we announced we were dating. But Jason and I have the IMPORTANT things in common. Our religious and political views align well. We come from very similar backgrounds, and we value the same things. Our vision of the future and what we want from life is the same. Perhaps most important of all, we share the same quirky sense of humor. That has proved to be a godsend during the difficult days of our marriage. There were times when we, like all normal couples, have had problems, problems that felt like a canyon dividing us. Humor has been the bridge we've used to cross those canyons so we could reunite as friends again in the middle. Plus, as we grow older we become more similar, sort of like those people who end up looking like their dogs. I felt discouraged recently. Here I was, recalling all the silly adventures I've had in my youth, and it seemed to me that I'm just a crusty old crone these days. I said, "J, I used to be so lighthearted and fun. I'm sorry I grew up." He shrugged and replied, "I like you the way you are. I mean, I grew up, too. We grew up together."
I wish I could explain the role God plays in bringing two people together. He's involved in the process, this I do not doubt. When I reflect on the events that brought my Jason to me, I feel very strongly that our lives were being orchestrated, at least in part, by a higher power. So where does that leave our ability to choose our own paths? Are we just pawns in a game that God plays, even if He has our best interests at heart? I can't believe that.
When I became engaged, I had a number of reservations about the step I was taking. Most of all, I was scared. Scared of making a mistake, of rushing into things. Could I trust myself in this decision? I'd been flakey about so many things so many times before. I didn't want to be flakey about my marriage. Is this what I really wanted- forever? I asked my dad for a father's blessing. I silently prayed for God to tell me if Jason was "The One."
When Dad laid his hands on my head and began to speak, I uttered one last silent prayer: "Please say he's the one. Please say he's the one." I have no idea what my dad said in that blessing. Instead of hanging on his every word as I usually do, I found a totally different voice, a thought, gently descending on my mind: "It's YOUR choice. You're begging for Jason to be the one, which means you know what you want. Choose Jason, and be happy." Choose Jason. CHOOSE Jason... Something about those words never left me. Every day, I wake up and weather the ups and downs of family life. I battle my own irritability and insecurities. I contend with the calamities of mortality, the let-downs and disappointments. Also the joys. And every day, I quietly turn my face to my eternal husband and choose him all over again. Did God decide on Jason for me? Did Jason and I select each other in the pre-existance? I have no idea, but it doesn't matter, because it's certainly MY choice to keep choosing him every day.
Love always- Jess.
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